The tangled mind

My first conscious brush with the mind and its powers began somewhere in 2005 when I attended the NLP Basic workshop in Mumbai. This knowledge about the mind and its powers lay dormant till 2009 when I met my trainer for my Level 1 Hypnotherapy workshop and since then, the mind and its penchant for drama has intrigued me. 

As I think deeper, the first jolt that my mind gave me - asserting its powerful presence was when I suffered from Post Partum Depression. Strangely, that time, I never knew it had a name. I just had a beautiful baby and all I was doing within 15 days of this most important event of my life was crying.. tears flowing continuously, I was scared of the baby, scared of what I would do if she cries, I was just terrified and no one knew what was happening. The most prominent thoughts were - should I just run away? or should I just end my life? But somehow, the thoughts of what would happen to my baby and my husband if I go away from their lives forced me to abandon those ideas. 

That was also the time when we were suddenly into financial crisis for reasons beyond our control. I had taken my baby to the paediatrician and while talking to him, I burst out crying. He spoke to me and asked if it happened frequently and suggested I see a Psychiatrist for this. This suggestion was a big shock to me - Psychiatrist? Am I going crazy? because you see a psychiatrist only if you go mad, was my notion, completely oblivious of what my actual problem was. I was already scared and this seemed like a nail in my coffin. My next stop that day was my Gynaecologist - an expert but very strict personality. His wife was the anaesthesiologist - a warm and pleasing personality. One glance at me and he asked "Whats wrong?". I answered him with my then regular mode of communication - tears. They both waited for me to complete my crying and then asked my mother who had accompanied me to wait outside with the baby. She did mention to them before going "I don't understand what's wrong but she keeps crying like a crazy person." My doctors told me very patiently that I was not the first person to feel overwhelmed at this huge change in my life. They shared that one patient came back with the baby and insisted that they take back the baby and I was still handling it better. I talked for almost an hour and still don't remember what I spoke about. By the end of the conversation, I was feeling better and hopeful if not very positive. My mother was given clear set of instructions - though my baby was just 15 days old, I was healthy enough to go for a walk / eat whatever I want and no one was to dictate any terms to me about 'customs' during the first 40 days of delivery. The doctors certified that since I had a c-section and had no pains, I was even fit to do household work or if possible do some errands. I was prescribed some medicines and told to take it easy but not lazy and the next time I came, I was supposed to get my husband.

Back home a little better, I took the medicines just after dinner - and I just fell asleep at the table - thanks to forgetting the medicine instructions given to me. I was just knocked out until morning and have no idea how my mom and husband managed taking care of the baby. The first realisation I had after getting up was that I felt very fresh. Then, I remembered falling asleep at the dinner table. I realised, I could not afford to do this everyday. I had the responsibility of my baby, my home and myself. I can't break down without any actual reason. Giving myself the pep talk, I looked at my baby and for the first time, felt happy and smiled at her. 

This, I could say, was the beginning of being better and more in control of my feelings. The next visit to the doctor reinforced the belief that it is ok to be clueless and scared sometimes, it is not the end of the world or end of yourself. My husband was interviewed by the doctor and he was told to put me back in the circumstances that were familiar to me before my delivery. Which meant, going back to just the two of us with an addition of the baby at home. I was not made aware of anything and I strangely found it peaceful to be by myself alone at home, throughout the day with my little one. We both would wait for the evening when the man of the house would come back home and take the little one for a long walk so that I could relax or cook or just be. Things were back to normal with an extra dose of happiness in the form of the child we adored. 

It was months later, when I read in the newspaper about some suicides due to post partum depression that I realised what a grave issue that was and how, I was lucky to have the strong support of the doctors and family members that helped me recover. I think the same goes for any other depression. The fear is very strong and real and the challenge is loving yourself much more than the power of fear. Not letting the fear overpower your zest for life, remembering that there are many things to be grateful for and there are many things yet to achieve before the end of this life.  

Today there is much more awareness on the issues of mental health and it has gained the rightful importance it deserves. But still.. there are miles to go yet.. and I intend to play a significant role in spreading the awareness and also helping people empower themselves.

Dream a beautiful dream!

It was an excitingly hopeful day for her. The home she created to shelter the little kids who had no one to return to, was going to be adopted by a generous organization. She had planned an elaborate meal to welcome the officials. She went to the market and splurged a lot of money on the provisions. As soon as she was home, she cooked a delicious meal and decorated the place with the limited resources she had.

Just then, she saw the red car wheeling through the gates followed by a few more. 

Hope and happiness had finally entered the gates and on to the lives of the little ones finally. She looked towards the sky and sent a small prayer of gratitude. Finally her dream would come true.  A dream, a promise to the one above to make the world a better place - Dream a beautiful dream

Life Before Death

Humanity and Humility are the attributes rarely found just like common sense being the most uncommon.  

I had decided to get back to writing regularly since next week and was seriously pondering upon subjects to explore. Needed a little motivation too, unfortunately motivation came with a shocking news. A very good family friend, 48 years old, the only earning member of the family passed away. He was too young to die leaving behind a young wife and a 14 year old son. His death, doctors said, was due to complications with kidney failure. Alas, they talk only about the physical body parts. What we know is that he was stressed.. stressed to the end of breaking, at work. A not too highly educated but very loyal and hard working member of his organization – a private one please note. Apparently he was ill a week before and had taken leave but was urgently called on duty to prepare for an upcoming audit. Getting dressed for work, his wife expressed her displeasure – why go when you are not well. “I have to go else I may lose my job” was his sincere reply. She relented and that she rues now, was her most gruesome mistake. He promptly met his boss – the owner and was rebuked for taking a leave when the company was to face an audit. He came back to his cabin, head low maybe because of guilt or may be due to uneasiness and collapsed. From there, he went from one hospital to the other and finally in next couple of days, left the world. The huge gathering of people whispered about his honestly and sincerity. Some talked about life after death. But what about Life before death?

Was he at fault? The man was just trying to save his job. But now, who will save and cherish the laughter of his wife, the growing up of his child, the calls of his old parents who are now devastated. Stress they say is the silent killer and yes it is certainly. Only if we could identify the symptoms first. His family observed them, his brother observed them. In the world of cut throat competition where siblings move mountains to claim inheritance, this younger brother, himself in early forties, offered his older brother support for next 4 months and pleaded to him to change the job. But the inevitable had to happen.

While this philosophy of who can change the inevitable can be understood, why do some seniors forget that the juniors are human beings too. Agree that there are a few who always run away from work but, can they not be identified instead of judging everyone by their standards? Does the power of a senior thrive on the helplessness of the employees? On the other hand, why is retaining the job so important than health? Yes money is certainly important but given a choice, would the man’s family prefer – unemployment for a few months or death? The senior himself was there at the funeral and I wondered what would be on his mind? Is he expecting to pay respects to the soulless body of the person whom he never gave respect while alive? Or is he feeling guilty. In any case, I realized that the silently wailing woman, whose whole world was now destroyed, from the deepest corner of her heart had already cursed him. She tried telling someone to ask him to go away afterall, she had seen her husband trying to convince him of his illness. However, she was silenced and the only way she expressed her angst was through tears. She may pick up the pieces of life and move on for the sake of her son, her parents, her friends and herself but will never stop blaming that man for the death of her husband.

This realization brought upon a new perception – I was no longer worried and distressed about the well being of the woman – I knew she will be fine, after all, she had the good wishes of her family, the love and respect from her closed ones, nonetheless, the vacuum of a life partner will remain but, life will still be good. Now, I was worried for the one man who became a catalyst to the disastrous health of an employee spiraling him towards his end. What would happen to him? Can he sleep soundly anymore, will he realize the impact of his behavior? Will he change for better or will he still go around collecting curses from people.  

How will be his Life Before Death?

Have a bright Day!!

Have a Bright day!!!

Many of my clients complain about jealous co-workers, unhappy in-laws, manipulative relatives and label them all as ‘Negative people’ around them who influence their life greatly. The common question being - How do you handle negativity?

Various methods are mentioned in spiritual books and online articles. However, the best option I feel is to let in positivity in abundance. Just as darkness is understood as absence of light, Negativity is basically reduced or negligible positivity. The moment you increase the positive thoughts, negativity is bound to lose hold. No doubt, in everyday life, there are a hundred reasons to feel dejected, rejected and nervous. But, hold your thoughts that very moment and try to focus on the thousand reasons to smile – the first rain, the best gift, the first crush, the smaller achievements, the love of your life, the care of parents, the lovely friends.. the list is really endless. This reflection, gives one enough energy and strength to fight the so called obstacles in life.

Negativity does not just come in the form of negative thoughts; it also comes along with negative people. There are many people who may have taken advantage of us, hurt us, and demeaned us in some point of life. Forgiving them is not impossible but very difficult. But knowing that “every bully is either a victim or a coward” will help you see through them and stand up for yourself. Throughout our day, we meet various people, on our way to work, while we are out for lunch, when we are travelling. Some of them are uniquely negative and are extremely easy to identify. They are upset, constantly crib about unending inadequacies in their lives – in all completely unhappy living beings. It is ok to be upset, unhappy and have negative thoughts. The problem arises if we let these thoughts rule our mind and day and spread it around us. The more we stay in the company of such thoughts or such people, it starts seeping in our every breath and acts like poison. Life is too short to waste in repenting over bad decisions, unhappy circumstances. Do yourself a favour. End these toxic thoughts and delete the noxious people from your life. They are the extra weights in your sack when you are on a very exciting trekking trip of life.

Choose your thoughts and companions wisely. Be with people who inspire you, motivate you, make you smile, stand with you silently but rock solid through your misery. Replace negative thoughts with happy ones. Read a good story every night, hum a song every morning, have a pet, play with kids, dance in the rain….

Be grateful!!

Women Power

Just happened to read Sr. Bacchan’s blog on his visit to the NDTV studio at Delhi..

He says. “NDTv has taken over this entire hotel facility for their campaign ‘Save our Tigers’ and it is a sight you will never forget. It is complete madness !! The complexities of broadcast television, the urgency of timings and feeds and cuts and fade ins. The screaming and shouting of the time left, the co ordination with Delhi studios and the anchor on sight here. The pre show shoot and the introduction to the different clips, the adverts that go out … an endless operation of such magnitude, it will be difficult to understand what the heck is happening inside just one of their control rooms. Multiple switches of different hues and colors, blinking and to be pressed, rods and levers to be pushed to fade in the next program, instructions being shouted out at the speed of knots, an entire wall full of plasma, and all this for one program that shall air live tomorrow at 9AM till the 9PM of the day !!

But remarkably, what needs to be paid attention to is that it is being managed and operated by women – 90% of them !! And … I am told when the station started, the average age of those in command was 25 years !

This is modern India. This is women power. This is awesome !!

Those working in there were all the age of my daughter Shweta and less, coming close on to the age of my grand children.

It has been not just a great experience for me, but a moment of immense pride ! May they prosper ever and continue to assert themselves in the years to come. The time is not too far away when women shall rule the world, taking over from the men, if they have not already !”

This appreciation coming from an epitome of success in a male dominated society comes as a pleasant surprise.. or does it not? What he stated is a true fact and that too an undeniable one. Women are in every field of work, marking their presence, creating newer milestones, but are they credited for in all they do? A matter of debate for sure.

It took one single Sudha Kulkarni (now Sudha Murthy) to change their age-old policy of not recruiting female candidates but it was not just her – It also took the single great visionary J R D Tata to consider her letter with an open mind and not dismiss it citing “Policy Decisions”. I am sure we still have many such great entrepreneurs and visionaries whose unbiased decisions have made the journey to the top easier for Women; but the fact remains, we still need more of them not just in hundreds but in hundred thousands…..

Resolutions

As the year ends... we all look forward to the coming new year with hopes and wishes. One inevitable part of this waiting process is - Resolutions for the new year.

What would be my New Year Resolution??? Well the list is quite long and is ever increasing...

Rains

Beautiful weather, heavy rains... thrilling feeling. Rains have been an inspiration to most of all the creative lot.

Two sides to each factor - some of them, like me, love the rains whilst some, though love it, but are troubled by rains. As a child, I remember being overjoyed with heavy rains - firstly since I love them and this hasn't changed yet. Secondly, heavy rains in Bombay, increased the chances of sudden vacation, flooded roads, electricity disconnect and having lunch and dinner in groups, the entire floor together - paperboats, walking through that dirty water happily.. such carefree days...

I guess even the adults were not very ambitious, no cut-throat competition, no mobiles, hardly any cable TV connections but, the human connection was very much visible and stronger. Everyone had enough leisure time then but now, things have changed... technology advanced, human touch and connect reduced and much more. Again, two sides to each factor and you can't argue one enough..

Just thought of the poem by William Henry Davis, that we learnt in school and weren't quite convinced with the views of the poet. However, it seems more relevant now, at this age..

Leisure


What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this is if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.